One Step, One Day, Don’t Rush

Well, I think I figured out how to do this in Windows Journal, because every other time I had been in here and tried to work on it, it always wanted you to use a pen and write it like on a tablet. I only have my mouse to use and when I press down on the left button I can write but it is not comfortable and it can barely read what I am writing. I do imagine because I designed one years ago, that there is a pen that you can use with this program and all you have to do is just have a mousepad and metal transfer right onto the screen as your writing. If it is anything like what I designed it should be something pretty cool. But see now, all I have to do is talk and it is getting smarter every day a user and I would like to say the same for me. I am looking at this like getting to know someone. The program needs to learn how I speak and I need to learn how it will understand me to do the commands that I am looking at having done.
Well that looks cool, I did not realize I was able to indent by using the tab key.My shoulders are so tight and sore right now. They are just killing me, I put some magnesium oil on and it is supposed to penetrate deep into your muscles and meet and help it loosen up. This kind of sucks. I do not really know anybody out here, I have met a few people but it is different. There is nowhere to go to socialize unless you are hanging out in a bar or something. Plus I am not in the position to be dating, because I only have anything to offer. I am told I snore, and apparently fairly loud. I do have to admit I have woke myself up before and it is funnier when I am sitting next to somebody but not sleeping and they hear me snoring so heavy it wakes me up instantly and they just start laughing, well that would be my ex girlfriend but he had done that before.
I am still having the vision, one I mentioned the other day that I cannot actually describe because you guys would all hate me and think I am totally sick, but I do not know where this is coming from. But it is not as bad as the other day, I was going through a lot of anxiety and restlessness, and that vision popping up almost that whole week I was down and some more I tried to push it out of my mind, the more frequent it came back. I am having one now but it is because I am describing not yet, but telling you about it basically..

I am going to sign out for now, and I am going to do my homework. I have a few assignments I need to knock out and with my Dragon program working considerably better. I should have the work done fairly quick.

It is now 2:30 PM and is med time, plus get something to eat to take these with. I have a OxyContin and a Percocet along with one vitamin a water retention pill, LOL, a nerve blocker, and I think it is a Protox, or something like that.

I will be back later, Love to all of you.

I actually “sprung up” out of bed this morning

Good morning all, I hope all is well. I think I actually slept pretty good last night, for the first time in a while. Maybe it was the lack of an afternoon nap yesterday, ha ha. But I am not sure why. So I am going to roll with it.

Moderate down a list of what has to be done for school or the next block of classes and pick them off one by one. I am next block is a science class on nutrition, that to which will not be a bad thing. Get my way back under control, hopefully. Not that it is necessarily out of control, but since my injury, I have put on a little bit of weight, width from what I remember, about a month and a half ago, my last pain management Dr. appointment, they weighed me in at a whopping 206 pounds. When I graduated high school. I think I weighed 117 pounds, at least that is what I weighed when I went into boot camp, I did come out weighing about 135 after that, so that was a good positive sign and I was also just nothing but solid rock, like everyone else graduating basic training.

Okay, I am going to start the day off for quick shower and work on my day.

I will be at my desk most of the day, so if you want to chat, just give me a holler.

Oh yeah, if you had read my last post from last night, at the end I was mentioning that my laptop might be spooked, or there is a spook in my room, and whoever it was, was typing on my keyboard and changing characters after I was dictating them into the computer. I know now I am starting to sound crazy, or crazier. But I kid you not, this has never happened before and it was changing words that I was even trying to manually change by retyping them after whatever it was, or for whatever reason awards were changing and letters were being scattered all over the screen. Now, I must admit that I am on some pretty strong narcotics to relieve the pain, or to just take the edge off of the nerve damage that was done under my arm. So there could be a possibility, I was seeing things, so I will not deny that. But I did see what I saw.

okay, now I am hitting the shower. I will be back shortly,

I love you all, (in case I do not make it out of the shower)

Feeling a little better, and that is a good thing

At least I am up and out of bed because I think it was last Tuesday when I laid down and I actually got up yesterday started moving around and today I feel a lot better. Considering where I was at yesterday. Found this great new bands I do not remember how, but they are called “Young the Giant” and I primarily listen the country hundred percent except on my DirecTV box, that is, Channel 856 I believe in is called New Age, and I think actually it is called Sonic Tap. But they have got amazing music on that station and then finding these guys on the Internet this morning like I said I do not remember how, but I just did there their genres of music and their rhythm, I think they sound great.

Next figure out why this keeps happening, only going along okay for about 4 to 6 weeks maybe. And all of a sudden I and the sleeping or not sleeping, but I am in bed for a week, I choose not to eat and I do not take my pills that I am supposed to. I take 10 different pills within the day, some of them or once a day and some of them are four times a day. I did notice though, that if I am out in the evening, there are mosquitoes, they will not bite me because my blood is too toxic for them, ha ha. At least I am joking now and I am in better spirits, because I have had spirits, but I just am.

I have really been thinking about getting back into my artwork, and I mean in the hard and I have been having these visions of some amazing stuff, but it is a matter of getting it put together to produce it or them or what ever. I have also been having another vision and this one’s not really cool at all. I am not going to describe it, but his vision has been making me ill at the thought of it and I do not know where in the hell it came from, so that is all you need to know about that. I did have a couple of dreams. While I was awake, almost like a flashback. I guess you would say if you are awake, and that was when the mirror went through my arm. I have been going over and over in my head as to how that had happened on that dreadful day of 07/22/2008, that ripped my world apart.

I got involved with building and installing cabinets into kitchens, bathrooms and building entertainment centers and putting it all together and everything from a mobile home to 6000 foot single-family dwellings where we put in a 10 foot oak entertainment centers and vanities and the TV behind the mirror, and huge desks and having a solid wood top where you cannot even see the seams turning the corners, that was how flawless my team was. It took me a lot of years to find something that I truly love and to have it ripped away from me in the blink of an eye.

So over the next six months after the injury, I lost everything, the house I had been living in was beautiful, gone. The guys I have worked with had to work so they went elsewhere because I could not do anything. Construction business is brutal in the first the place, then one gets into a position where one cannot even pick up a sheet of plywood or even pick up a basic 20 ounce framing hammer, let alone get into the finer details of the actual finish work.

Well, I think I am done the dictating for now, I think my Dragon is tired because it is slacking on a number of commands. So I am going to turn her off, yes I have been married three times I know how to do that, ha ha. After about a half an hour I will turn her back on, after three divorces, maybe I do not know how to do that. 

Thank you for listening, you are all I have two talk to, so I Love You and we will talk more later.



A Day That All Your Wishes May Come True

happy Mother’s Day to all my friends and family, I wish only the best for you on this cherished day of yours. Shall you be treated as you desire, loved and pampered as you are deserved. May your offspring worship you even more on this day and abide by your calling. Shall your mate beckin you at your every command. one final wish for you on this day and that is to just enjoy and not stress it, I hope your loved ones and family adheres to my wish…

Coming Back Around…

Well, I had my surgery almost a week ago, and if it was not for my daughter being there; I do not know how I would have been able of handled it. The pain that it caused me with them going back into my neck, for the fourth time, was so unbearable, but I do have to admit it, it was not near as bad as it was last year, when they went into my neck to replace a defective implant. So that made the third time they were in my neck from 9/29/10 to 3/18/11, my body had no time to heal after that one.

So unless they are going to put something else back into my neck, they should be done for now. Now it is just a matter of waiting for them to work on my hand and forearm. To begin with, I do not know how they are going to start to figure out what they are going to do, because they have had almost four years to decide on that and they have not told me about anything they have decided on, if anything.

All of this talk about my neck this and my neck that, my neck is not the issue. The problem is with my hand and forearm, it always has been and always will be. Other than the emotional bullshit that they are putting me through. Between the amount of nerve damage that was done, and leaving the wound open for four days, there was actually more damage done to me after the accident then from the accident. As the way I believe it anyway.

All right, now I am feeling a little better after venting and I want to thank you for listening. So I am going to get back to my other work/homework.


PS, check out my artwork at

and let me know what you think.

Tuesday, May 1 and I have three more days

Yep, I have three more days until my surgery and this waiting is just killing me. I’m just going nuts not being able to focus on anything because everything revolves around Friday. Actually Everything revolves around the results on Friday.I have so much work to do from class and I just cannot focus, I don’t know how many essays I have to write, two alone at 250 words, one at 350 minimum, and I think two additional at 500 or that isn’t counting the work I have to do each day, that I haven’t been able to finish, Shit! All right now here I go again, giving it another shot, focus focus focus focus focus


I have been sitting here at my computer and I cannot get a single thing accomplished today. My hand is hurting in so many different ways it’s hard to really describe it, if it isn’t just the initial crushing sensation that I’ve been feeling for almost 4 years that is bothering me, then I am also getting these sensations of a jolt through my fingers or into my whole arm and I’m not sure what’s causing it, but it’s been going on for some time where all of a sudden my whole body jumps, like it’s been hit with some form of an electrical connection, and the other day I got zapped so hard from whatever this is, that I ended up kicking over my trashcan, and jamming my toes into my desk, and knocking stuff over across might desktop. It happens all the time, you could almost look at it as if it is like these earthquakes, sometimes there small and the epicenters not that big and it’s not that deep and then other times it’s massive and out-of-control.

so with all of that going on in my arm and my hand actually throughout my whole body unworried about the surgery and having on Friday, so nervous wreck and I just don’t know what to do. I can even get 250 words put down my screen slightly get these assignments done.

Well, I guess I better give it another shot, running out of time, fast.

I will catch you all later