Finally Home

I have been on the road since last Wednesday, a full seven days and I’m so tired of driving, my car even said go home and stay there; I heard it, I swear. Okay, it may have been my laundry, just kidding. It did not help that this morning, oh, I’m sorry. Yesterday morning on my way to my first meeting as I was pulling out of the parking lot still coffee in my lap. Not a bunch but enough make a few stains. Not at all impressive as you’re walking into an office building with coffee stains.

But we start over and go back to Wednesday the 13th. I had a doctors appointment Redlands and I ended up being a half an hour late for that, but started off the week of road trips in a poor light. I made my doctors appointment Wednesday and it was just another double appointment with my pain management Dr. and in speaking with the PA, he tells me that they want to start weaning me off the medication that they have had me on for the last, well, since my injury I had been on serious medication for the pain and for nerve blocking. They did the implant in my neck to help with the pain in my hand, but it didn’t work. So they took it out and during that whole time. Had me on the same medication. What does not make sense to me in this why are they wanting to wean me off now when they still have not fixed the problem in the first place. So it looks like tomorrow my first phone calls will be to my attorney and then to my primary Dr.  to find out what they’re going to do about the original problem that they have done nothing with in three years. The first year, I will admit at least they were attempting to fix my hand and hit me some additional mobility by doing tendon transfers, and aggressive physical therapy on my hand. And that brings up another problem that I don’t know if my attorney is going to take of. After each of my physical therapy sessions  the therapist that manipulated my hand was supposed to fill out a form and on this form there is a notation stating the patient’s pain level at that time. I ended up getting my hands on these forms somehow, which is a good thing because if I had not then I would not have noticed the falsification of these documents. There has not been a day when my pain level is been less than a 10 or nine during that period and on almost every sheet. The therapist wrote anything from a four through a seven. Even if Saddam would’ve been nice, but it never happened. The Therapists work my hand so much that there was nothing I could do but scream on several occasions, and I have and had tears coming out of my eyes because it hurt so bad and they wrote down a six. I was appalled. I gave a copy to my sending of all of those and I don’t know what he is going to do with them, but that is illegal, as all hell.

All right, well, that’s enough for tonight, I’m sorry, this morning. Now I’m getting tired so I’m going to see if I can get some sleep.

I love all of you,

you are my rock,


On the road again

well my friends and family, for one it has been a very busy week for me at least since Friday, and so I don’t repeat myself, if you read my last post from the 12th and you have a better idea as to what has been going on over the weekend, last weekend. But I had finally gotten a little bit of sleep and I thought I was getting back on track with that, not like last month where I was just in bed all the time and sleeping here and there, maybe I should rephrase that here and there part. I didn’t realize how it was going to portray itself when I said that sleeping here and there so let me rephrase it to getting a little bit of sleep here and a little bit of sleep there and some here & there. So I hope that works for you because if I’m going to be honest about this, I haven’t slept around anywhere and on top of that I haven’t slept around since or fooled around rather, I think almost more than two years now, I think it was my ecatch – invoice but stopand he haven’t posted it for me Ix-wife that I have had any relations with and that was easily more than two years ago, yeah I just thought about it and it was in 09 when we met, got married, got divorced, all by the end of August and I met her on New Ye engaged in Godif you haven’t done thatis okay now crap. Thisif you read this is not the end of myar’s Eve from 08 going into 09. What a nightmare that was, I’m getting off track here,

I believe, I was going to describe my situation from the fatigue and tiredness, what it does to me. Right now I’m fine; but if I stop doing stuff for example right now I am talking to you rather than typing and the system is learning my voice and I am learning the system so at first it was kind of pathetic. Because I didn’t know what to do and everything else; there are so many commands to go through, but I’ll be patient.

See* there I go, I’m getting off track again. I think it’s because I’m trying to avoid the inevitable. Are you sure you’re ready for this because I’m not and I’m going through it. I’m going to back up a little ways to I believe about the beginning of the year maybe. I had this really odd dream that I stepped over to the other side, and I mean the other side, not the other side of the room either. And yes remember this was a dream, and somehow or other it felt like I went to the other side where there were people from the afterlife. I didn’t know a soul, no pun intended, but I didn’t know a single person and I thought that was kind of odd, you know? Typically when you hear somebody say they do cross over to the other side, they were on a gurney with some medics or in a hospital surgery room, all for what ever and date were recovered, brought back after flatlining. I’m sorry, I just had a nether incident. Okay let me get back to the beginning of this again where I crossed over or what ever in my dream, and while I was there, believe it or not, I had a blast. I had no idea what we did, what we drank, who these people were, where they came from, I’d never even got any names but while I was in that dream I felt like I was there for a really long time. They’ll mean light years long time, I mean it was hours but it seemed like those hours were for days, but if I looked it up clock from when I went to bed and when I woke up it was a matter of only a light six hours total from just when I went to bed now that dream took place in one of my naps, if you will; when I go to bed at night I am down for sometimes maybe an hour, couple of hours, but typically no more than 3-4 hours, and I’ll get up and maybe take care of business or get a fresh bottle water: but one night in one of my dreams, I crossed over and strangely enough I am referring to the other side of life, (it just happened again) it is now 11:03 AM, to see what the sleep deprivation is doing to me, I’m supposed to be out on the patio by the pool with my cracker ass, and burning it with this California sun and all the magnification from the haze that was in the sky this morning and on top of that the smog, and between the two, the UV rays should be able to penetrate my  brilliant white skin. There I go drifting off track again. okay back to my live asked comment where I said it just happened again, on my left side I had this vision of somebody a big guy supposed to be doing something or other and it was silently seem to be really urgent and the supervisor or some sort of foreman I guess, approached this first guy and communicated with this person about his lack of quality of work of some sort. He did and as I eat and trying to follow along with what is being said, because I had my eyes closed during this vision and when they started to walk away I started to follow them just by watching I turned my hair and husband allots them all walk away if you were going well from where I’m sitting right now when I had that vision just now, I turned my head following them and I opened my eyes to the wall. It did not just appear there I’ve seen it sitting there since yesterday when I checked in, and it’s next carrier wall if that means anything, there is a breezeway right there so it’s kind of cool I don’t have a direct neighbor but earlier, it would not have mattered.

Alright, so last night or early this morning there was an incident in my room between I can remember correctly three people from the other side. Dammit did I forget again? To tell you who these people are, how they got here; let me look back of the top one little bit; I don’t think I saw anything so I’m going to tell you right now. In that dream of mine towards the beginning of the year, where I was having a great time with these people laughing and joking, I’m sorry I have to call on people but you can see right through him and they can either for example sit on the edge of the bed or couch or walk right through it. It’s like their mind thinking make it turn their bodies into apparitions or more human and flash and body kind of, people. If I can explain it do you think I’d be writing on a blog, you know I’d be writing it on a thesis or something for a university or the Smithsonian or of the science Channel. And getting paid for.

So I am in this drain and having a blast well it is almost time to get up. We all have that internal clock that says that it’s time to get up. Even though I’m not working and I don’t have a regular clock schedule to meet every day, I do have my doctors appointments and various other things that if I don’t keep my schedule appointment fan everybody else gets thrown off behind them. I proved that yesterday by being a half-hour late for my pain management Dr. and when I was done I still had to give a urine sample but I couldn’t do anything at that point so I’m sitting on the lot and one guy And start bitching because they were “running so damn late” and I turned to him and from what I was doing with my phone and told them that it probably started with me because I was a half-hour late and at that point you can I just laughed. So it was an interesting doctors appointment. So I’m in my dream, and yes I’m postponing this because I think I let the cat out of the bag. And I him about 50-50 on a literal term.

Well here goes everything, I don’t know how many people there were in this dream total, but I offered every one of only an opportunity come back. I know, that your saying yep, this guy is certifiable and nuts. I didn’t tell my doctor that part of it today because tomorrow I see a psychiatrist. I saw this guy a couple years ago maybe three and it somewhere here in San Bernardino, and I’ll MapQuest it to deny there are some it’s midmorning so I’ll probably just check out of the hotel at that point to. Isn’t that obvious? That I change the subject right away. Well, after seeing everything that I have seen just within the last 5,6 months, you might want to be a little hesitant with what you’re doing in regards to these people. I cannot say that they are able to physically harm anyone, and I cannot say that they are not able to. Okay for example right now, I am having this vision that this hotel complex is all being blown the wind is so bad that there is sand everywhere in the sky that it’s falling all around the apartment hotel here and it’s been messing with me with that shit. And all I can hear is the wind blowing and sand hitting the walls and falling down and just gradually piling up on the side of the building and cars are getting just you can even get in there in an brief because the doors are being blocked by the depth of the sand being so high now and it is, maybe this is what’s going on and I’m finally putting it out there out of my head, we’ll find out tomorrow. Dude you got blood all over you. Now this is wrong, I mean it’s right because I said it, but I’m the only one here and I don’t see anybody, because there is nobody with blood all over them.

Well for one, right now, writing about it has brought them back to the room. Even though they were here last night or early this morning and may not have left, but I knew I was going to write about them this trip and maybe they knew also. Because I haven’t seen them in weeks at my best guess. but then two, they may have been the reason I’ve been in bed this last month almost, 2 weeks at a time. My invitation to them has long expired.

I am up again, actually a few days a go

This is what, Saturday?  I believe so and now it is about 1035pm and I have not been to sleep since I woke up yesterday.  I do not even feel tired and that is what bothers me the most.  I have not taken anything other than my normal medication, normal dosage, no extras of any kind.

Right now it does not help that on ESPN there are these mini Coopers or something, I cannot make out the model of these cars but they look about the size of Mini Coopers and they have four cars racing against each other on a track somewhere and they have to jump and use sliding skids and turns, it looks really cool and like a lot of fun and it also looks like the Italian Job, the movie.

Okay, now for the real reason why I logged on tonight, here in town there really is not that much to do in Parker.  We do not even have just a bar to go have a drink and watch a game for example, we do have an Eagles and I still have yet to go in there, but my point is unless you go up the river or out-of-town there is not much going on around here.  But today was 37 Annual Parker Tube Float and all of a sudden around 10 o’clock or 1030, my dad wants to go out to the Cantina where the floaters have to register when they get done.  You get the idea, so we can see all the bikinis coming out of the river.  I rode down with him, I said “I got lunch dad, do not worry about it”.  Once he is done eating, he asked if I was ready.  I am like, for what?  And he said,  “to go”.  I think at this point about five people have been finished floating/swimming downriver to our location and there was at least another thousand people or more on the river.  Well he left and I stayed, I have this 7 inch extended lens for my 35mm camera, I forget the magnification on it offhand 210 or something.  Anyway, I went through four rolls of film in as many as two hours and I probably could have gone through another four rolls of film in the next couple hours that I had stayed.  It was fun actually, I had not been out of the house in a few weeks or a month really, other than one time but I am feeling better about things I guess.  It could be considerably worse I know so as my title has been saying one day at a time, one step at a time.

English: A photograph of MY Steve Irwin
English: A photograph of MY Steve Irwin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think I am going to open another blog, because I want to talk about the whaling that is going on in the Indian Ocean by the Japanese and I would love to get some input from those of you that might be inquisitive as to what is going on because it is wrong, downright wrong what they are doing.  Remember the earthquake they had a few months ago, or last year?

The Steve Irwin
The Steve Irwin (Photo credit: Wyrmworld)

What of the Japanese government has given me the Japanese whalers almost $30 million to do as they pleased to prepare or protect themselves or what ever against the Steve Irwin crew and team.  Anyway that is my plan so look for over the next week or so on make it look decent and nice.

And I will save this blog for my diction and calling people names, just kidding.  Okay thinking getting tired actually should take my muscle relaxes her nerve blocker OxyContin methadone Percocet and the one you would think would put me over the top sleeping pills same thing yesterday around 930 maybe 10 o’clock I know one hour later at best.

signing off and I will touch base with two in the morning, love you guys.

English: MY Steve Irwin approaching Melbourne.
English: MY Steve Irwin approaching Melbourne. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Good Morning


I hope everyone is well, I also hope everyone got some sleep and feel well rested.  I would also love to say I feel the same way.  But, if you read my last post all the way through you will see that I have been up all night and the thing that really sucks is among tools that are supposed to make me sleep, well help me sleep.  But I have not even yawned all night, I lay down initially and watched some TV tried to relax and could not.  So I turned on the computer and watched a couple three movies, talked about 2 of them.  And now it is 6:00 AM and I am going to return the coffee maker on and make some breakfast, I am to sweat over this, a bowl of cereal and some oj.  So I will post this and catch up with you later, Ciao.

Japanese Whalers Suck!!!

what’s going on everybody? This is my first day out of the house cleaned it sexually after nine o’clock now, PM that is. Watching Will Wars on animal planet right now, and I am more disappointed I thought I would’ve been because I wasn’t expecting it to come back on this year. Last year Japan said they were going to quit whaling, well in fact the probably never even planned on it but somehow or other they were to obtain over $30 million and added more ships or security so that they could go out and hunt whales, which I believe is absolute and total bullshit. Excuse the profanity, but this is heartbreaking.`

Japanese Whalers Suck!!!

What’s going on everybody? This was my first day out of the house in over the last couple weeks and aside from that last time I was out was when I got home from having my surgery. Right now it’s after nine o’clock. Watching Whale Wars on animal planet right now, and I am more disappointed then I he crossedthought I would’ve been because I wasn’t expecting it to come back on this year. Last year Japan said they were going to quit whaling, well in fact the probably never even planned on it but somehow or other they were to obtain over $30 million and added more ships or security so that they could go out and hunt whales, which I believe is absolute and total bullshit. Excuse the profanity, but this is heartbreaking.

so I am pleading with all of those who are following my blog and I know there’s not many a year now but, hopefully it will increase.

Say it is two in the morning and I have taken about four hours ago my bedtime meds which consists of a soma, a sleeping pill, and my irregular nerve blockers and pain meds. Well to one of the pain meds and his methadone which generally makes you drowsy but for some reason the last few days I’ve been taking my bedtime meds don’t seem to kick in and for I don’t know, last night I had to even get up after about six hours and finally take another sleeping pill and then eventually kicked in. so after laying in bed for a bit and realizing I wasn’t going to sleep I decided to bust out my 35mm and get it cleaned up for tomorrow, I’m sorry make that later today. But today, Saturday is the annual tube float down the Colorado River and  Parker and from what I hear, last year there was more than 6000 people on the water floating on anything from boats to inner tubes or whatever rafts they can get out there and this year it’s supposed to be even worse, maybe not worse but as more people. So I thought I would take my camera and see what I can get developed software that. Before I posted anything ago to get the film developed sorry the 35mm is not digital but once I get the film developed we will see what we have hopefully. I shot about a half a dozen rolls of films already and still have yet to get them developed but after tomorrow on single drop them all off and taking care of, get it going anyway.

Well my friends, it is now 10 after 4 AM and I him no more tired than I am am awake, or is it I am no more awake than I am tired?

So aside from writing in my blog, I just got done watching the movie Monster, now I figure I will watch another movie and this one is called 127 Hours.  I have been putting it off for a couple of weeks since I had seen the previews.  But this is the story of that guy in the head got his arm stuck between Boulder and a bigger rock and had to cut his arm off.  Considering my injuries and what I have been going through for the last four years, I figured this might be appropriate.  Maybe help me get me out of my slump that I have been in. He had just gotten is arm stuck between the bolder and a bigger bolder.  Now it is dark, and now it is daylight, got a lovely movies; I am sorry, but the daylight was a vision he had.

okay, it is now almost 5 o’clock in room be used to discuss where it started to pour down rain and it looks like it does not appear as though easily get much help with filling his water jug.  Water is running pretty good now down the ravine and he got stuck in.  It is actually flooding and he is losing his ear and footing and is underwater now.  Okay, he is dreaming now because his arm is still attached and he made it back to his car and his arm is attached, yet he was dreaming.

okay now it looks like he is going to start cutting his arm, yep..

wow, you just broke free from his forearm and hand after cutting them off, it off.  And he is working his way out of the canyon.  Nice, headfirst into a puddle of money dirty water but probably will not kill him afterwards been through,obviously not.

Awesome movie in the first place and above that is an amazing story.  Now I need to get out from between my two boulders.  One day at a time, one day at a time.