Still going, as best I can today

These past few days have been just added tick marks going by on my calendar life and recovery. I need to get up and moving earlier in the day than I have been, but today I can at least say I am up and taking care of stuff, for example; yesterday I received my absentee ballot or this year’s election and I am just about to fill it out. No, I am not going to tell you who and what I’m doing this year. Nobody looks good for anything, we have a presidential election, state Sen., Congressman, state representative, corporate Commissioner, and it just goes on and on down the line. I may put a couple of wright-in in here.

Well that was fun and done. I love voting this way, I don’t have to go anywhere, I can research more information if I need to. I got the ballot yesterday and did it today, at my leisure.

let me know if you can play this song when you click on the link below;
it is interesting to say the least. Lasts over 5 min’s but entertaining, and faster than I would have thought for the category.

Dammit, I have had a “kink” in my neck since early this morning, like 12/13 hours ago. I “blew-up” on a friends Facebook timeline earlier today and I wasn’t happy about it afterward. She posted something positive on her FB page and I was right there, right along with it and thinking positively, then I moved my hand and it all came back at me like a wave. No I cannot go back, I know this. I also know and am fully aware of the fact that my arm will never be the same and I will not be able to things the way I did them before, I will have to experiment and try to do things in an alternate way. What things?, I use my left arm for everything, but because I write with my right hand, the law says that my dominant hand is my right. That is bullshit, especially now. most of what you are reading here, is not only typed, but dictated by a software program I have on my computer. More than 80% of what I write on my computer is dictated.  I use my right hand to hold onto a glass and from that point I am unable to even open up a refrigerator with my left hand most of the time because of the vacuum when the door shuts, and the one that’s most difficult is the dishwasher.  How many of you out there that are reading this old and will plate or any sort of fish that needs to go into the dishwasher and have the ability to do it with one hand?  About the best way I can have somebody go through a series of tasks that word even compare to what I have to do is if you were to take a golf ball or a roll of coins and put them in the palm of your non-writing and, you non-dominant hand and take the clients of the golf ball in your palm and leaving your fingertips and your bum exposed so that you still got limited movement.  Now unless you want to put your hand underneath the car and have somebody roll up and on to the top of it I cannot help you with the amount of pain that goes through my fingers trying to do these tasks, but go through these little steps if you can.  Try opening the dishwasher, a doorknob that maybe a little stiffer than most, hold on to a bar of soap, if you have a very mechanical window in your car, by rolling it down. Open up a dryer door, open up a bottle of water, the list can go on and on and on about the uses I would have with my left hand before I would begin to use my right.

Enough of that, is 10 o’clock and I’m getting tired and I have a lot to do tomorrow.  I hope I didn’t bore you too much with my last paragraph, I just want the pain to go away.  I could care less if I ever have my hand again, even if it was a stump I would be better off than having to do with this pain.

God speed

after midnight and not quite one o’clock

before you read any further, there are some photos here that are from a work injury but our mementos  to me from when my life had changed completely. they are not self-inflicted other than the fact that it was from a work injury, and I took the pictures when I had the opportunity.  So you may,if you want to anyway review them before showing them to others.  Most people don’t mind them, because maybe they had seen worse.


It has been several days since my last post, and it has actually been several days of since I’ve done anything really.  Was out about Friday mostly because I had a physical therapy appointment.  I blew off two appointments today that I should have gone to I just don’t feel like I’m rested when I wake up in the mornings.  Now I’m not always up at this hour, but I do at times stay up this late or later if not all all nighters.  I posted a couple of pictures on my Facebook page today, rather yesterday, of my arm, my injury from over four years ago.  Don’t worry, I won’t leave you out, in fact in this first photo; this is where they finally got the artery to stop bleeding.  I still have to clean my hand which was fine of event I can not move my fingers at this point.


in this following picture you will see what actually happened from the accident.  Yes it’s real and I’ve had people tell me, not that photo was fake.  But I assure you that it is 100% real and believe me I wish it was not.


this is what it looked like a week and a half later.  The doctors waited from Tuesday until Friday to operate and this is what they did the following Friday they took the bandages off and this is what it looked like.  I wish I could say it was over then and I went back to work and everything was hunky-dory just like any other time.  Continue on,,,,,,


I know, these pictures are not exactly what you send home to your mother on a holiday.  But this is one of them going through or over four years.  I lost everything monetarily that meant anything to me, For example my household furnishings, which took like everybody else knows years to build up.I’ve had to move in with family and I thank God for their support.

I have no idea when my case with the insurance company will settle, but I just hope the compensation is worth it because the time I’ve lost, and the life of lost is irreplaceable.  Once in my life I finally found a job that I loved waking up to and going to every morning and then this happens.  Whatever this was and is I would not wish it upon anybody.

So my friend, Superman, if you read this and I hope you do, not that this is an excuse for my medical errors the other day but I use a voice dictation program and I do not always catch the errors it makes when dictating now if I was to be writing this as an actual printed publication in a biography to clean it up at that time, I just asked that if you’re in a critique my grammatical errors, wait until I’m making money off of my writings, ha ha, but thank you my friend.

I have just started receiving some additional financial help which wasn’t there when I really needed it but it is there now.  I hope you have all seen my artwork, and I also hope that following that.  Or new additions anyway from photo to whatever else I can put together when I’m in the mood for it.

I hope to talk to you soon, I appreciate each and every one of you and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.  In the last four and half years there has probably not been a question I have not been asked regarding my arm.

So until next time, hugs kisses and, Ciao

A very interesting last few days

Over the last four years I have lost more control over certain things that are basic for everyone else, it seemed like it was one thing after another if not twice that, and that alone compounded not just by a year after year, or month after month, but it was day after day where I literally had no control.

In one aspect, I have just regained the control that put the most burden on me, but I am nowhere near being able to reach the top of the other issues that I have been having to deal with for 4 1/2 years. 

I am still going through physical therapy and whether it is actually helping or not, I would say it is but we have a long ways to go.  I have already made mention to the therapist that is working with me that this is what I had been asking for for the last three years; this facility is using such different tools for me to work my hand and this should have been done a long time ago.  Even during my implant stage I should’ve been going through this particular type of physical therapy.  I hurt like hell when I’m finished because of the fatigue that had been put on my hand and fingers and my wrist and even into my forearm.  The fatigue wears off fairly quick and the pain continues to take over and is even there during the fatigue because it hurts so bad.  Unfortunately the insurance company only authorized for 12 sessions.  One thing I don’t think they realize though is the fact that one of his 12 sessions, and that would be the first session; is my initial consultation and no treatment is given. I believe additional sessions would definitely help, but it still may not get me to where I need to be.

Another problem I have been having over the last few months and I have still got no word on any kind of a referral and ironing board and more pain every day.  Because of the narcotics I have been taking for, four and a half years, has caused an will problem my mouth and causes what is called “dry mouth”. a few months ago I was at Ireland’s restaurant in Palm Desert and that one of my final bites of my meal, I had been down on something very hard and it cracked one of my molars and chipped part of the tooth.  Short time after that, I don’t recall what I was eating but I had shipped another tooth but on the left side, and violated the first one was on the right side.  Then another time shortly after that, the upper left side chipped also and this one was so sharp where it  chipped and instantly began cutting my tongue even worse than the other two had been during.  But over the last couple weeks, the first cracked his on my right side feels like it had cracked even further down into my jaw and that pain is such an ache that I can’t even think straight on top of the other reasons I can’t think straight anymore.  At least once a day I’d take two aspirin and let them rest on the inside of my lower right cheek and just let them dissolve and oddly enough that has relieved some pain in my jaw but it is nowhere near anything long-term.  I’ve called my attorney about three or four times find out about the status of getting a release checked out an approved for some work to be done to fix them but I have yet to hear anything positive. Hopefully soon I will hear something but I will call my attorney again tomorrow and see if she’s heard anything from the insurance company.

New topic, earlier this evening or I should say last night, one of our dogs were barking like crazy then another one of them started to follow suit; and she has a louder bark.  So I went out to take a look at what they were barking at and I didn’t see anything but I went outside the gate and kept the dogs in the yard in case they were excited and decided to run off after whatever they thought they saw.  I walked around for a minute or two and I saw no one or anything and I came back to the gate.  I used my left hand to hold on to the stable or fixed portion of the gate while my right hand was pulling him close and somehow or another my left thumb nail got caught underneath something on the fence and I didn’t notice it until I pulled my hand away.  My fingernails are sure so there’s no reason for them to really get caught on anything but somehow it did and when I walked away it twisted and that hurt beyond belief, granted right now it doesn’t hurt, and I hope it stays that way.  That pain was so unbelievable and I ended up coming in the house and taking more pain meds, actually I took my bedtime meds and that was only about an hour if that after I had already taken my dinner meds so you would think I’d be asleep right now with all the crap they keep pumping into me.

I am going to write another post, possibly a couple because it’s about two different people, maybe even a third because of the third person.

Until next time thank you for your time,

my love to all of you and my deepest respect

I started physical therapy last week, and it’s about time; after 3 1/2 years

For those of you that know, this is a an update to my hopefully progress and my situation.  I had been authorized for a dozen visits for physical therapy and I was really surprised because it had been so long since I have asked in the first place.  I had asked and asked about physical therapy or the last three years and I have gotten nothing.  But the good thing is, I have not gotten the run-around, they just didn’t do anything.  Unfortunately the focus was on my neck where they put an implant to help block the pain signals from my hand to my brain.  This unit works as far as sending a signal to my hand but it was not doing anything to mask the pain, the pain in my hand just either was so severe it will basically overrode the unit or it just was designed for a different type of pain situation.  Now this is not like putting on a neck brace or a glove or even the wristband, the end of September of 2010 is when they initially installed the implant in my neck.  It felt odd the way it was setting in on my spine, as if it was not even with my spine and swear would work effectively so I asked my doctor to look into it and in doing so he showed me the films and he agreed that the implant was cocked to one side more than being parallel to my spine so he got approval for another surgery to go in and just change the placement of the implant, that was in February of 2011.  Something must have happened when they did the adjustment, because within two weeks the unit quit working.  I had my contact person with the manufacturer even look into it and she said that there was something wrong with the unit itself in my neck.  She, (my contact representative for the implant unit) made the determination that the product was defective and that they were going to have to go back in and replace it.  I have already had two surgeries on my neck and now they want to go in for a third within a month after the second surgery.  Fortunately my daughter lived close so after my surgery, because it was an outpatient surgery, I had a couple of hours of recovery and until the anesthesia wore off and I was able to walk on my own and after that I was ready to do whatever, go home or whatever.  I thank God everyday that my daughter was there and had an apartment close by because the pain was so intense and my neck and shoulders.  I laid on the couch as often as I could but there are times where a person has to get up and use the bathroom.  During those times when I had to get up to use the bathroom, I could barely get my head up and off the pillows without the pain being so bad, it felt like I was on one of those antique torture machines where they stretch your arms away from your body and they would crank it and crank it. and for some reason, the slightest degree of an angle where it instantly start putting pressure on my shoulders and adjoining or at my spine in my neck and causing even more pain and as I got you a more vertical, the polling and the pain got even worse.  A couple of times I did manage to get into the bathroom and back to bed as fast as I possibly could and it didn’t matter, the pain was so intense that I wish that upon nobody not even my third wife, but that can be negotiable; just kidding  I would not do that, ;-).

There was an attempt with a very dear friend of mine to help me go to the restroom while still laying down but more so on my side so that I could aim into a bottle to take care of my business.  Just as it felt like I was able to go to the bathroom, my daughter’s boyfriend came home from work and here I am with my manhood in a woman’s hand aiming it into a bottle or a vase I think we used, or tried to use.  I am not normally shy about going to the bathroom or anything else, but it was just really strange to see him walk through the door while in the middle of this, well while getting started anyway.  To say the least, the result of this attempt to relieve my bladder ended in defeat, because I kind of started laughing, but not too hard because just to be laughing or the chuckling hurt like hell. {between you and me, I’m glad I was able to get at least semi erect while she was helping,)

It took me a full week to recover from that surgery.  With all the medication I’m on right now or the first reason, which was my accident in 2008.  There has not been a single medication given to me that actually takes the pain away or even relieves the pain that I notice much or even partly.  None of my medication can even relieve me of a simple headache, and it didn’t have matter how many muscle relaxes I took and they still would not work on my shoulders.  So the unit was back in and after about a month or two are still using it was useless to even use it it did nothing for me so I told the doctor there were demands will just take it out because of that in itself was causing sharp pains in my spine at my neck.  I would get a sharp shooting sensation going up or down my neck from that surgery point and even now I still am but my surgeries are not done with my neck, because of the problems it was causing in my neck with the shooting sensations of sharp pain.

So I weighed the two out, I wrote down the pro’s and cons on whether the implant was worth keeping in or having it removed.  Dealing with phishing sensations in my neck I could not handle anymore, it didn’t matter what I did but out of the blue I would feel if shooting sensation in my neck, is randomly and when I would try to get it to do it on purpose, I would get nothing and even when I used my right arm to reach out for the milk in the fridge suddenly I get shooting sensation in my neck and I would then drop the milk or whatever I was reaching for.  Taking a shower was even more impossible than when I first got hurt.  So at my next doctor’s appointment, I requested to have the implant removed.

So within a couple of months we have approval and scheduled the removal of the spinal cord implant, and that was done on May fourth of 2012.







Frustrating, but only a minor setback

Hey you guys,

I hope everyone is well, and enjoying the change of the seasons, leaving summer behind and moving on into fall with cooler nights cooler days.

When I mentioned frustrating, a few hours ago I was uploading some pictures or updated pictures onto FAA, (Fine Arts America) the website I use for posting my artwork and photos.  I had to hurry so I could get to dinner at a friends as otherwise they wouldn’t have posted after being gone a few hours.  The site would’ve automatically log me out so I wanted to get them posted and I thought I had but unfortunately I must have missed something in the steps to finish and complete the process.

I had even written out my biography or the website that I have been a member of for a couple of years and I finally broke down and decided to complete the biography.  But when I look back in my profile that wasn’t there; so that is what I meant by frustrating.

So look for the updates, there should be posted notices on Facebook and twitter messages here in a bit.

Love to all of you