No, I am not. So you can get that out of your minds, lol. Dirty minded people, who’d I get mixed up with, Lord Howdy.
Anyway, lol, I hope y’all slept well, I did, when I slept. You know, when I do go to bed, I lay there wondering, “how many times I am going to wake up tonight?” It is usually between 3 and 4, sometimes I noticed I am only asleep for maybe 30 to 45 minutes before the pain in my hand gives me a jolt and I wake up again. It doesn’t seem to matter what I take before I go to bed either. As it stands right now, I take 1 Methadone, a Gabapentin, a Percocet, and a Temazepam which is a sleep aid. I may just have to juggle some of the others around to where I may be take more pain meds when I go to bed.
I just get so pissed off at the fact that after five years, there are more times in the day than not, that my hand hurts as bad as it did five plus years ago. The crushing sensation is still there; so picture in your mind if you will that a big ass’ four wheel drive truck rolls up on you hand. Now I’m not talking about on the lawn, oh no, not even in the driveway, because the driveway has smooth pavement. But look down at the surface in your alley, or any alley really. If it has anything, it’s possibly a rough blacktop or rocky cement, you get the idea. So now your hand, mine actually, is under the front wheel, and not only can it roll forward, but the wheel turns at the same time. This is what I call the meat grinder, so I have the weight of the truck, it rolling and then also turning at the same time over the top of my hand which is also laying on rough gravel, sharp edged, pointed mis-shaped rock. Now that is what it feels like with all of the medication I take throughout the day and night. Good times.
So if I blurt things out, as I have in the passed and I really do apologize for things I have said that may have freaked some of you out or even began to think that I had lost it. Well the truth is, I have lost it, so I am having to work with my life the way it is. I feel I am doing better only to the point where I know that this is not going to change, and “this” I mean by the pain, and that is without even touching anything, or bumping it against something. Hell, even brushing it against the linens in bed is what wakes me up so many times. So a good portion of the time I will wear a compression sleeve, to hopefully help the blood flow in my hand and I will wear a glove. Putting on and removing the glove and sleeve from my hand and forearm is like a death defying act for me, but once on or off, I’m ok. for awhile anyway.
Please understand that if I do blurt out things like I had that day I was returning from another of my consultations, regarding surgery on my forearm, that it is mostly to just get something off my chest. Yelling in the car can go so far, but when I am alone as I have been, I need to talk to someone, and fortunately that day it was my dear friend Kristyn Winchell who chimed in and we talked constantly for days. Thank you love, I was not seriously going to do anything stupid, that is just not me, but I will say that needing a friend to just be there for me those few days after getting the news from that doctor of what choices I had, that was exactly what I needed. Seeing as how they will no get me any other sort of help with counseling or therapy to even talk about the crap I am dealing with, so with all my heart, Kristyn, I thank you so much.
Anyway, Now I am going to start putting my studio together so that I can start working on my artwork, WHOOP WHOOP.
I’ll take photos and post them on the pieces that I am working with where I am at with them and where I end up at the end of the day. So I will catch up with you all again soon, hit me back either here or at any of my other sites here below my name.
Until next time,
Ciao to all,
Kip D Vidrine
1-kip-vidrine.artistwebsites.com (my art gallery)
google.com/+KipVidrine (google +)